Add It To The Pile

It's just one more.
It's just one more.
That's what I keep trying to tell myself.
My my senses disagree with my ears alone.
But my selfishness is too strong, and I take up the aspirations of a weakling.
Curled up, I lay in defeat.
In defeat from myself.
I am too blind to lift up my calls to Him, I am too set down in my sin that my intelligence left.
I clothe myself in such foolishness, the fever reaches my body in anxiety.
This shouldn't matter, but it does.
I'm tired of the let down, rarely it seems I get a pick-up. but who am I to complain?
It's sometimes my only route, cause running is my best defense.
I'm sick of it. I'm worn and pissed off now.
It's pretty disgusting how self-centered I am about acceptance.
The ever full glass spills over with oozing and heavy foam, stress flows.
But my "oh so tragic" plight is hollow, and yet i fell struck with mighty bipolar waves they emanate.
What's the point? If everyone will let me down, I'm almost ready to give up trying.
It's never fully directed at me, but I fall the farthest.
Why?
What is in my make-up that causes such a volatile reaction.
I just want to get through my time not in bitterness or anger, nor with any spite.
Yet still it's never enough. 
I am foolish.
I am restless.
I am a coward.
Add it to the pile.

Dear You, #1.

Dear You,

I miss who you used to be. I don't know if I care enough to try to get that back. It's ok really. I've forgiven what you did, and never cared to apologize for. Sometimes I wish you'd  you'd just feel what I felt, so you'd realize how you effect people. Part of me values you less everyday. The other part misses what we had. Most of what's left is wrapped in apathy. Too bad I learned that skill from you. whoopsthetruth

Dear You,

Way to follow the crowd. I mean I thought it couldn't get any worse, but it did. You have shown you follow the world. I am sick. I guess I'll jut have to let it go, now that with each of your new-found levels of the social lemming become more concrete. Smart way to be. Seriously. What would it take for your mind to be swayed? Occurrences and happenings have not only been strange but also of the different and other-worldly nature. Are these not enough to change you blind heart? Love is free, stop paying for other things. Do not start with your hollow talk of hypocrisy. You place to talk is nonexistent. Your activities not only mirror those of liars and whores of this world, but cause you to walk inside the flow of anti-kingdom. I have no place to judge your heart so I cannot; but if you hold any virtue, prove it to me. Your slothful effort to build the kingdom makes me want to wretch.


Dear You,

Open your eyes. You have so much in store for you, stop resting in your hypocrisy. Listen to reason and truth. Open your ears and your heart, He's calling. Just pick up the musty phone again.

Dear You,
Stop viewing your life as worthless. It permeates more than you will ever know. Those around you lay grazed and scathing, tired of your monotonous apathy. Why don't you just try? You haven't failed at much at all, you have no reason to think otherwise. You weren't at a loss till you decided you were. Just stop. I'd believe in you if you believed in yourself and so would so many others. You thrust needed pain and mental weight upon your family's shoulders. Why? Would your father want you to be like this? So go ahead; roll your eyes. Bu consider this: While you build a wall in between you and others, you break down walls with the only thing capable of saving you form your self pity.